I rudely stole this from www.x5drivers.co.uk. I'm sure the bloke who posted it won't mind.
Cracking stuff.
A.
Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally
will not hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges
Between airline pilots and control towers around the world.
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
================================================== =
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
727?"
============= =========================================
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
"I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
================================================== ======
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic
is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...
I've got the little Fokker in sight."
================================================== =====
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
================================================== =====
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the
end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
return to the airport."
================================================== =========
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two,
behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter
pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
================================================== =========
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly,
was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in
the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
================================================== =========
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich Overheard
the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane,
in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
================================================== =========
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
================================================== =======
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to Hold
short of the ac
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Stephen & Allyson
........plagerism,or what ,you'll be copying music and movies next.