Rectum Stretcher!

While I was "flying" down the road yesterday, I passed over a bridge

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I
work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but
surely stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him
behind a bridge....."

Traffic Ticket: $95.00
Court Costs: $45.00
The Look on that Cop's Face: PRICELESS!!!