Wul
24th November 2006, 09:06 PM
Appologies if posted already!
The Darwin Awards
In case you don't know it's an annual honour given to the person who did
the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out
of
it. And the nominees this year, in reverse order, are
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire
burned his
house down, killing both him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died
of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas
mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in
its
place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow
tube approx. 30" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was, for
reasons unknown, inserted into his rectum and was the cause of his
suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to
his family very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
around their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus
straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County
police
said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
together,
wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle
at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a
police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his
car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was
greater
than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said.
Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the
building
had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were
dispatched.
Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in
the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket
and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon
operation
of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending
pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the
technicians, but
the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by
his peers.
AND THE WINNER.....(ouch....)
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez
managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his balls in the machine.
Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the
crank on the machine with Sanchez's balls in place
The Darwin Awards
In case you don't know it's an annual honour given to the person who did
the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out
of
it. And the nominees this year, in reverse order, are
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire
burned his
house down, killing both him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died
of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas
mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in
its
place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow
tube approx. 30" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was, for
reasons unknown, inserted into his rectum and was the cause of his
suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to
his family very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
around their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus
straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County
police
said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
together,
wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle
at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a
police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his
car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was
greater
than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said.
Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the
building
had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were
dispatched.
Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in
the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket
and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon
operation
of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending
pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the
technicians, but
the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by
his peers.
AND THE WINNER.....(ouch....)
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez
managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his balls in the machine.
Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the
crank on the machine with Sanchez's balls in place