AndyP & Lenore
14th November 2006, 08:49 AM
I rudely stole this from www.x5drivers.co.uk. I'm sure the bloke who posted it won't mind.
Cracking stuff.
A.:D
Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally
will not hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges
Between airline pilots and control towers around the world.
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
================================================== =
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
727?"
============= =========================================
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
"I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
================================================== ======
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic
is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...
I've got the little Fokker in sight."
================================================== =====
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
================================================== =====
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the
end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
return to the airport."
================================================== =========
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two,
behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter
pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
================================================== =========
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly,
was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in
the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
================================================== =========
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich Overheard
the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane,
in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
================================================== =========
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
================================================== =======
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to Hold
short of the ac
Cracking stuff.
A.:D
Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally
will not hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges
Between airline pilots and control towers around the world.
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
================================================== =
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
727?"
============= =========================================
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
"I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
================================================== ======
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic
is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...
I've got the little Fokker in sight."
================================================== =====
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
================================================== =====
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the
end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
return to the airport."
================================================== =========
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two,
behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter
pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
================================================== =========
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly,
was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in
the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
================================================== =========
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich Overheard
the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane,
in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
================================================== =========
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
================================================== =======
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to Hold
short of the ac