monkimagic
15th December 2005, 10:40 PM
Found this on a site I was browsing following a link of Martin Sullivans, lots of text but quite funny;)
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Nanny Cars and the current crop of really, really bad vehicle design.
Nanny cars
What's the point? Have people grown so lazy now that they don't know how to turn vehicle headlights on and off. Can we suddenly not work the windscreen wipers? Holy Jebus - it's annoying when you get into a car now and there's bells and chimes for ignition keys, handbrakes, doors, windows, seatbelts etc. etc. Then you're driving along and the car decides it's too dark and puts the lights on. And You Can't Override It! Then it does the same with the windscreen wipers. Drop of rain? Turn on the windscreen wipers so that they screech back and forth across a dry windscreen, ruining the wiper blades and driving the driver insane. Can you turn this function off? Of course not. It's all very helpful. NOT.
So if the manufacturers can put all this "useful" gadgetry in a car, why the hell do we have a single "check engine" light? Why don't we have a multi-function display to actually tell us what's wrong with the engine, instead of just "check engine". Despite being the single most complex piece of machinery in the entire car, all it's faults can be summed up with "check engine." Timing off? Check engine. Fuel cap loose? Check engine. Oil-starved engine about to explode? Check engine.
Seatbelt undone? Has it's own light! Key in ignition? Has it's own bell!
Apparently, it's more important that we have lights to state the bleeding obvious. Just so long as the drivers side window can be made to totally retract with a single button press. God knows it's so stressful to keep your finger on the button for three seconds.
Speaking of headlights...
I've noticed this phenomenon in more and more cars now : the headlight switch has an "off" position, but it doesn't actually turn the lights off. They come on (in the "off" position) as soon as the ignition is turned on. But then they have an "on" and an "auto" position. These are largely the same - if you can't ever turn the lights off, then they're on. And if they come on when the ignition is turned on, then it's automatic. If they're going to take control of the lights away from the driver then why put in redundant controls? It's a waste of time and money.
Another area of creeping rot is automatically-locking doors. I don't want my doors locked when I drive off - that's dangerous. It would perhaps (perhaps) be okay if the door automatically unlocked when you came to a stop, but they don't. They lock, and stay locked.
What about seatbelts? Have you seen those automatic seatbelt things that some cars have, where the rear mounting point slides forward across the drivers side door when you turn the ignition off? Clearly we're too lazy to put our seatbelts on now too. The only problem with those things is that they're deathtraps. I only had a rental car with one of those things in once, and in the space of getting in and out of the car just twice, it nearly strangled me once, and trapped my left arm twice. The result was probably the opposite of what the manufacturer intended : I disconnected the seatbelt and drove back to Hertz with it dangling from the ceiling.
Power doors.
Do you know it's actually possible to get power doors in luxury cars now? Not power-sliding doors, like you might find on the side of a minivan, but regular driver and passenger doors that can be commanded to swing open, and swing shut with the push of a button. How lazy is that? I bet that function added yet more complex electronics, safety interlocks and wiring, plus probably another 10- to 20kg in weight to the car, and for what? Who the hell is going to be so lazy that they need push-button doors?
Well - I guess the same people that are too lazy to slide the doors in their minivans, or open the tailgates by hand. The top-notch minivans all now come with power tailgates and power sliding side doors too. Why? What purpose do these serve? The adverts
------------------------------------------------------------------
Nanny Cars and the current crop of really, really bad vehicle design.
Nanny cars
What's the point? Have people grown so lazy now that they don't know how to turn vehicle headlights on and off. Can we suddenly not work the windscreen wipers? Holy Jebus - it's annoying when you get into a car now and there's bells and chimes for ignition keys, handbrakes, doors, windows, seatbelts etc. etc. Then you're driving along and the car decides it's too dark and puts the lights on. And You Can't Override It! Then it does the same with the windscreen wipers. Drop of rain? Turn on the windscreen wipers so that they screech back and forth across a dry windscreen, ruining the wiper blades and driving the driver insane. Can you turn this function off? Of course not. It's all very helpful. NOT.
So if the manufacturers can put all this "useful" gadgetry in a car, why the hell do we have a single "check engine" light? Why don't we have a multi-function display to actually tell us what's wrong with the engine, instead of just "check engine". Despite being the single most complex piece of machinery in the entire car, all it's faults can be summed up with "check engine." Timing off? Check engine. Fuel cap loose? Check engine. Oil-starved engine about to explode? Check engine.
Seatbelt undone? Has it's own light! Key in ignition? Has it's own bell!
Apparently, it's more important that we have lights to state the bleeding obvious. Just so long as the drivers side window can be made to totally retract with a single button press. God knows it's so stressful to keep your finger on the button for three seconds.
Speaking of headlights...
I've noticed this phenomenon in more and more cars now : the headlight switch has an "off" position, but it doesn't actually turn the lights off. They come on (in the "off" position) as soon as the ignition is turned on. But then they have an "on" and an "auto" position. These are largely the same - if you can't ever turn the lights off, then they're on. And if they come on when the ignition is turned on, then it's automatic. If they're going to take control of the lights away from the driver then why put in redundant controls? It's a waste of time and money.
Another area of creeping rot is automatically-locking doors. I don't want my doors locked when I drive off - that's dangerous. It would perhaps (perhaps) be okay if the door automatically unlocked when you came to a stop, but they don't. They lock, and stay locked.
What about seatbelts? Have you seen those automatic seatbelt things that some cars have, where the rear mounting point slides forward across the drivers side door when you turn the ignition off? Clearly we're too lazy to put our seatbelts on now too. The only problem with those things is that they're deathtraps. I only had a rental car with one of those things in once, and in the space of getting in and out of the car just twice, it nearly strangled me once, and trapped my left arm twice. The result was probably the opposite of what the manufacturer intended : I disconnected the seatbelt and drove back to Hertz with it dangling from the ceiling.
Power doors.
Do you know it's actually possible to get power doors in luxury cars now? Not power-sliding doors, like you might find on the side of a minivan, but regular driver and passenger doors that can be commanded to swing open, and swing shut with the push of a button. How lazy is that? I bet that function added yet more complex electronics, safety interlocks and wiring, plus probably another 10- to 20kg in weight to the car, and for what? Who the hell is going to be so lazy that they need push-button doors?
Well - I guess the same people that are too lazy to slide the doors in their minivans, or open the tailgates by hand. The top-notch minivans all now come with power tailgates and power sliding side doors too. Why? What purpose do these serve? The adverts