GAJ
9th December 2005, 11:39 PM
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has
never cried.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting
infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes
killing.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in
time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot,
Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law
and Order are trademarked names for his left and
right legs.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his
rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts
ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the
face and took his soul back. The devil, who
appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker
every second Wednesday of the month.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe.
Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck
Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man
blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing
this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered
by Chuck Norris
The term "carnivore" was invented after Chuck Norris
was spotted at a carnival eating babies
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer.
Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day
for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer
only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30
minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red
Cross. Just never his own.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this
spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in
fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck
Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much
wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could
chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN
THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her
throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in
his hand he bellowed, "Don't f*ck with Chuck!" Two
years and five months later he realized the irony of
this statement and laughed so hard that anyone
within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf
The grass is always greener on the other side,
unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the
grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most
times he forgets to kill the cow
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down
until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris' sidekick on Walker Texas Ranger isn't
black, he's bruised.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one
hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having s*x with
his waitress.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English
teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck
Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words
"Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck
Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by
giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the
farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal,
breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that
Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck
Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to
do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he p*sses.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he
checks his closet for
never cried.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting
infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes
killing.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in
time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot,
Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law
and Order are trademarked names for his left and
right legs.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his
rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts
ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the
face and took his soul back. The devil, who
appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker
every second Wednesday of the month.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe.
Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck
Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man
blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing
this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered
by Chuck Norris
The term "carnivore" was invented after Chuck Norris
was spotted at a carnival eating babies
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer.
Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day
for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer
only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30
minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red
Cross. Just never his own.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this
spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in
fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck
Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much
wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could
chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN
THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her
throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in
his hand he bellowed, "Don't f*ck with Chuck!" Two
years and five months later he realized the irony of
this statement and laughed so hard that anyone
within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf
The grass is always greener on the other side,
unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the
grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most
times he forgets to kill the cow
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down
until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris' sidekick on Walker Texas Ranger isn't
black, he's bruised.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one
hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having s*x with
his waitress.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English
teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck
Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words
"Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck
Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by
giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the
farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal,
breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that
Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck
Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to
do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he p*sses.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he
checks his closet for