GAJ
9th December 2005, 10:18 PM
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When
the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck
Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see
Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's
hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a
roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure
that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly
declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible
for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the
extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving,
Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when
he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
cranberry sauce.
When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse
kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire
cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yell ing, "Bang!"
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you
know who would win? Chuck Norris
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops
them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped
him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker,
a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a
green number
4
card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and
roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't
be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your
hat.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed
octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the
following symptoms:
fever,
blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the
feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell
a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn
occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he
replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse
kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.
the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck
Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see
Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's
hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a
roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure
that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly
declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible
for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the
extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving,
Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when
he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
cranberry sauce.
When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse
kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire
cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yell ing, "Bang!"
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you
know who would win? Chuck Norris
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops
them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped
him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker,
a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a
green number
4
card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and
roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't
be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your
hat.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed
octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the
following symptoms:
fever,
blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the
feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell
a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn
occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he
replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse
kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.