Burple
9th February 2005, 07:18 PM
Anyone got the Cojones to post this on M2???? ;);):D:D
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
by Basil Fawlty Fawlty Towers, Torquay, Devon, England
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your
failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence,
effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does
not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85%
of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside
your
borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further
elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire
will
be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then
look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be
reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the
letter U'
is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to
spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your
love
affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix
"ize"
will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix
'burgh'
is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell
Pittsburgh
as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look
up
"vocabulary."
Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no more 'bleeps'
in the
Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad
language then
you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your
vocabulary
then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know
on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
account of
the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It
really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,
upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have
to
learn how to understand regional accents > -> Scottish dramas such as
"Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're
talking
about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as
Devonshire in
England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling
it
Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire,
Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the
good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play
English
characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red
Dwarf"
will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American
audience who
can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind
of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
bor
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
by Basil Fawlty Fawlty Towers, Torquay, Devon, England
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your
failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence,
effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does
not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85%
of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside
your
borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further
elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire
will
be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then
look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be
reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the
letter U'
is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to
spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your
love
affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix
"ize"
will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix
'burgh'
is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell
Pittsburgh
as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look
up
"vocabulary."
Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no more 'bleeps'
in the
Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad
language then
you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your
vocabulary
then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know
on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
account of
the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It
really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,
upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have
to
learn how to understand regional accents > -> Scottish dramas such as
"Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're
talking
about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as
Devonshire in
England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling
it
Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire,
Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the
good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play
English
characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red
Dwarf"
will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American
audience who
can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind
of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
bor