MartinSullivan
21st January 2005, 07:08 PM
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight safety lecture and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
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Lufthansa Pilot: Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it could affect the flight trim.?
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On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.?
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There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...
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After landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, alone voice came over the loudspeaker: Whoa, big fella. WHOA!
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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.
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From a Southwest Airlines employee: Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you dont know how to operate one, you probably shouldnt be out in public unsupervised.
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In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child...pick your favourite.
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Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, well try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.
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Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.
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Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said: Weve reached our cruising altitude now, and Im turning off the seat belt sign. Im switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight.
************************************************** ******
Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children.
************************************************** ******
As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.
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On landing the stewardess said, Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you are going to leave anything, please make sure it?s something we?d like to have.
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Last one off the plane must clean it.
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Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
************************************************** ******
Lufthansa Pilot: Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it could affect the flight trim.?
************************************************** ******
On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.?
************************************************** ******
There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...
************************************************** ******
After landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
************************************************** ******
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, alone voice came over the loudspeaker: Whoa, big fella. WHOA!
************************************************** ******
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.
************************************************** ******
From a Southwest Airlines employee: Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you dont know how to operate one, you probably shouldnt be out in public unsupervised.
************************************************** ******
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child...pick your favourite.
************************************************** ******
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, well try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.
************************************************** ******
Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.
************************************************** ******
Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said: Weve reached our cruising altitude now, and Im turning off the seat belt sign. Im switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight.
************************************************** ******
Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children.
************************************************** ******
As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.
************************************************** ******
On landing the stewardess said, Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you are going to leave anything, please make sure it?s something we?d like to have.
************************************************** ******
Last one off the plane must clean it.
********************************************