Another Old Joke

[X30YES]

Stevie Wonder has just finished a sell-out concert in Japan and after
the
applause has died down he asks the crowd if there's anything they'd
like him
to play. This little Japanese fella at the front is jumping up and
down,
shouting and waving his arms like a madman and Stevie asks him what
he'd
like him to play. The Jap shouts "Play a jazz chord, play a jazz
chord" so
Stevie belts out a 2 minute solo in F minor on his piano and the crowd
are
in raptures. "No, No" he shouts "play a jazz chord, play a jazz
chord." A little bit bemused Stevie does a 3 minute impromptu in A
major
and gets the crowd rocking. The little fella shouts "No, No, I want you
to
play a jazz chord." Stevie gives in and says "how does that go then?"
To
which he replies.


.. . . . . . . . .


.. . . . . . .


{in your best Japanese accent}


"A jazz chord................. to say................ I ruv you!"
:D:D:D

[Duncan Stewart]

Groan! :D

[MartinSullivan]

*SIGH* ;) :D

[Scottie]

Angus,

How come Stevie knew the guy was jumping up and down and waving his arms.

[Gismo]

quote:Originally posted by ScottieCoop
Angus,
How come Stevie knew the guy was jumping up and down and waving his arms.
There is no inference that Stevie knows this, the way it is written it just says the guy is ;):D

[Scottie]

quote:Originally posted by Bonnie Scotland


quote:Originally posted by ScottieCoop
Angus,
How come Stevie knew the guy was jumping up and down and waving his arms.
There is no inference that Stevie knows this, the way it is written it just says the guy is ;):D


Oh right well that's just went right over the top of my head.

Does this mean that Stevie's attention was drawn to the guy by his shouting.

[Big Col]

<blinks> Uhm...we should probably let you answer that one yourself ScottieCoop.

Was the blind man attracted by the guy waving his arms or by his shouting?

Take your time. ;):clown:

[Maxxed Ross]

Sorry took me three reads to get it. Very very bad :p

[Scottie]

quote:Originally posted by Big Col
<blinks> Uhm...we should probably let you answer that one yourself ScottieCoop.

Was the blind man attracted by the guy waving his arms or by his shouting?

Take your time. ;):clown:


I need simnple jokes like:

What do you call a sheep with no legs

A CLOUD

Now I just crease my sides:D:D

[Maxxed Ross]

oh that was baaaaaaa d :D

[Burple]

quote:
I need simnple jokes like:
What do you call a sheep with no legs
A CLOUD
Now I just crease my sides:D:D


Like:
What's brown and sticky??

.
.
.
.
.
.
........ A Stick!! <Boom boom!>:D:D:D

[Burple]

Or:

Why were the Baker's hands brown??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
............. 'Cos he Kneaded a Poo!! Geddit? huh? Huh? :D:D:D:D:D

[Scottie]

:D:D
Now these are class jokes

Like what do you call a darkie floating down the river.

A DRIFTER.

[Scottie]

WAIT WAIT. This is the best joke ever.


Have you heard about the wooden car
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
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.
IT WOODEN GO.:D

[The Dogfather]

How do you kill a circus?
..
.
.
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.
Go for the Juggler

[Burple]

Two fish in a tank... one of them says...

.
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.
............Can you drive this thing?? :D:D

[MartinSullivan]

Whats grey and got a trunk?
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.
A mouse going on holiday :)

[MartinSullivan]

Whats brown and got a trunk?
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.
The same mouse coming back from holiday :)

[Smurf]

Like the fish tank one! LOL! :D

[Scottie]

A Scottish terrier and an Irish terrier
were standing at the corner of the road
having a blether. The scottie was getting
fed-up and says "ach am a wa" so the
irish dug peed on him.

Allan

[Scottie]

quote:Originally posted by ScottieCoop

A Scottish terrier and an Irish terrier
were standing at the corner of the road
having a blether. The scottie was getting
fed-up and says "ach am a wa" so the
irish dug peed on him.

Allan


Oh dinae start posting things under my user name get yin of your own.:D

[Mini Me]

what's white,square and wear's a yellow tartan jacket
.
.
.
.
Rupert the fridge....:p

[Scottie]

What can go up a chimney down
and up a chimney down but can't
go up a chimney up or down a
chimney up??????:p
.
.
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.
an umbrella:D:D

[X30YES]

Two fish in a bowl ........whits the one in front called
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.Bob (think about it )

[Big Col]

Two birds sitting on a perch. One of them turns to the other and says
.
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.
can you smell fish?

[Big Col]

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
.
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.
Put it in the microwave till it's Bill Withers.

[Maxxed Ross]

Did you hear about the incompetent lumberjack?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.He just couldn't cut it, so he was forest fired. :D

[Maxxed Ross]

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?
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I didn't do it on porpoise.

[Willie M]

quote:Originally posted by minime

what's white,square and wear's a yellow tartan jacket
.
.
.
.
Rupert the fridge....:p

Reminds me.....
What do you call a bear with no paw?
.
.
.
.
Rupert the ba***rd :clown:

[Big Col]

quote:Originally posted by Willie M


quote:Originally posted by minime

what's white,square and wear's a yellow tartan jacket
.
.
.
.
Rupert the fridge....:p

Reminds me.....
What do you call a bear with no paw?
.
.
.
.
Rupert the ba***rd :clown:


Hmmm. I assume the "paw" is intended to mean dad for the purposes of the joke, however, not having a father does not make one a b**tard. For one to be a b**tard one's "paw" would have to be unwedded from one's "maw" at the time of birth. As a result your joke makes no sense Mr Moffat!

Don't blame me! Blame BDM!

[Willie M]

Oh dear, I give up :(
'Non Illegitimi Carborundum' ;):p

[MartinSullivan]

quote:Originally posted by Willie M
'Non Illegitimi Carborundum' ;):p


:D

[Scottie]

what do you call a deer with no eyes.
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no eye deer.:D

[Scottie]

what do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes
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still no eye deer:D

[Michael_mac]

How do you confuse an irishman???

Put three spades against the wall and tell him to take his pick

[Michael_mac]

How do you confuse an Irishman???

Put him in a circle and tell him to pee in the corner.

[Michael_mac]

Have you ever seen stevie Wonders wife???

Neither has he.

[Michael_mac]

Stevie wonder got a cheese grater for xmas.

he sya sthat it is the worst book he has ever read.

[X30YES]

Three Labradors, one brown, one yellow and one black were sitting in
the surgery waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a
conversation:

The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why are you here?"
The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa,
the
curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I
pissed
in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?
"Gonna cut my nuts off," replied the brown lab. "They reckon it'll calm
me down."

The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you
here?"
The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers
and trees,
I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up Carpets. But I
went over
the line last night when I dug a great big hole In my owner's couch.
"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too" the dejected yellow lab said.

The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you
Here?" "I'm a humper" the black lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump
the cat, a pillow,
the table, post-boxes, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.
Yesterday, my owner
had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes,
and I just couldn't
help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away". The yellow
and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off for you
too, huh?"
The black lab said, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."