NEAR MINI MISS!

[ELFMAN]

I'd like to thank the young woman in the silver ONE/COOPER who pulled out right in front of me from Portland Park onto the main road at Portland Place in Hamilton just after 8am this morning. It's been quite a while since the old ELF ticker got a kick-start in the morning.

I was in the wee Fabia, which, while not being in the same handling league as G3 ELF, luckily for both of us can still simultaneously brake and steer round the front of a MINI. I ended up stopped just past the front of her car, obviously perturbed and, using the tried and tested medium of Mime, enquired about her visual performance. In reply, she held up two fingers - obviously indicating that BOTH her eyes were indeed malfunctioning. I sat for a few seconds to see if I could remember the number for the local opticians, intending to pass on the information to this unfortunate visually impaired woman and while I was thinking, I found myself subconsciously adopting the rather volatile persona of a just-insulted 'Father Jack'.

The passenger door of the MINI opened and out stepped her boyfriend/partner/husband. "Here we Go" I thought... and being from Larkhall, prepared myself for a short prison sentence for GBH. "Sorry!" he said "It was an accident" (obviously he'd slightly missed the point - much as I'd slightly missed their car) "We can't see for the parked cars, Sorry!". I accepted his apology (on the understanding that his partner put away her fingers), which I loosely translated as "We have no clear field of vision when exiting our side road onto a busy main road in rush-hour, so after a minute or two we just get fed up and blindly pull out in front of some poor sod who just about has a heart attack and then has to go and do a wee story for his NMS pals in the hope that he'll stop shaking before lunchtime".

Remember when MINI drivers used to give you a cheery wave? :frown:

Anybody else had any 'exciting' encounters with eejits recently?

[zimbo]

Need to get yourself a wee (or large) hip flask with a shot of whisky inside for such moments as this for when you finally get to your destination and have a quick swig of the contents to calm yourself down or take the edge off :lol:

...fecking cheek her giving you the two fingered salute after it was HER who caused this incident after all :frown:, I could say more but wont :hand:


Glad your still in one piece Elfmeister :thumbs up:

[stoney]

Pmsl at this

[Stewart]

Emit it your still raging :smilewinkgrin:

[ELFMAN]

Pmsl at this

I very nearly did too Rob, but minus the laughing! :blush:

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Glad your still in one piece Elfmeister :thumbs up:

Cheers Mr. Z :thumbs up: Had a mug of tea and some muesli. Rock and Roll!!! :smug:

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Emit it your still raging :smilewinkgrin:

No no Stewart, I'm perfectly f***** calm, I don't have a f****** problem keeping my f***** cool. I'm f***** fine, honest! :yes nod: :book: (gets out 'Little Book of Calm' - and EATS IT.)
:ragin:WHO THE F*** ARE YOU LOT LOOKING AT ANYWAY!!???? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH! :explode:

[N16SHP]

using the tried and tested medium of Mime, enquired about her visual performance.

:laugh::D:thumbs up: Glad you're OK but that sentence made me laugh.

[ELFMAN]

:laugh::D:thumbs up: Glad you're OK but that sentence made me laugh.


4291
"Using the tried and tested medium of Mime, I enquired about her visual performance"
or to cut a long mime short "WTF??"

[Craig]

Lucky escape there wee man ;). Some folk haven't a clue how to drive !! :ragin:

[GreigJCW]

Well avoided but I am pissing myself at your story, so so funny. Glad all is ok though and you managed to avoid what seems like an inevitable collision.

[ELFMAN]

Well avoided but I am pissing myself at your story, so so funny. Glad all is ok though and you managed to avoid what seems like an inevitable collision.

Pure self-preservation instinct Greig - nae skill! She banged on the anchors at the last second - leaving just enough space for me to go around - or I'd have had nowhere to go :frown: It would have been a case of hitting them or veering into oncoming traffic, so that would have been a stuffed MINI then. The wee Skoda's built like a tank, but would've still had a panned front-end. My lucky day :thumbs up:

[Gismo]

Am i the only one who feels sorry for this poor woman, just think that every day she goes through this :Whistle:

[ELFMAN]

Am i the only one who feels sorry for this poor woman, just think that every day she goes through this :Whistle:

Well she should use some common sense - there's ANOTHER EXIT from that street onto the main road slightly further up, with a clear view, so why would you try to get out of the bit you KNOW has restricted vision? I've been going up the main road every day since 1997 (I work 200 yards further up), and this is the first time anyone has done that. I was slightly later this morning, so I've obviously been just missing her daily Kamikaze Kommute! If they feel there's a constant problem with restricted vision caused by parked cars, then they should report it.
I was using my 'experience' mainly to give folks a wee laugh and get it out of my system, and I know you're just having a wee :stirpot: but there is a serious side to this and I bet you wouldn't feel feckin' sorry if she had just about pranged YOUR motor, or maybe smashed into your wife and kids :hand:

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?client=safari&rls=en&q=hamilton%20service%20centre&oe=UTF-8&redir_esc=&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&sa=N&tab=wl
Check the 2 exits onto the main road from 'Portland Park' onto 'Portland Place' - the one at the Shell Station is clearer than the one further down (where Ms MINI emerged from). You might also note that BOTH exits have restricted parking markings - so there are NO parked cars right next to them.

[weefossy]

Someone up there was looking out for you..........

[ELFMAN]

Someone up there was looking out for you..........

Yes Malcolm, whoever invented A.B.S.! :smilewinkgrin: and God. Probably.

[EcosseGP]

Great wee story with at least no damage. Still makes me laugh why folk do what they do sometimes and I usually think "why take the risk ?" Trust me I've seen some crazy things I'm glad though both you and the Elf mobile remained unscathed ;)


I intend to live forever ... So far so good !

[jonnie]

Glad your ok. lol though.

[Gismo]

Lol, I was joking :lol:

[MINIme:)]

women drivers :frown:

I'd have punched her for giving you two fingers! Or mimed it at least :smilewinkgrin:

Parking all along Castlebank Street by the harbour used to be a huge problem for the same reason, nearly got taken out all the time because you couldn't see a thing - until I notified (ie whinged) on fixmystreet suggesting some improved road markings and a couple cars clear space either side of the side road..... a week later they banned ALL parking along the whole road, much to the dismay of hundreds of people living at the harbour :blush: Was great though, you could see along the road and everything! :thumbs up:

[d.oxley72]

I always remember the advice my driving instructor gave me years ago, which was basically to anticipate other driver's unpredictability and never assume they've seen you.

[N16SHP]

women drivers :frown:

"Female drivers...no survivors!"

[ELFMAN]

Lol, I was joking :lol:

I thought you were, but you can never tell... :smilewinkgrin:

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women drivers :frown:

Bit sexist there Jo! :smilewinkgrin: :motoring: :blink:

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"Female drivers...no survivors!"

Oh Dear, they're ALL at it now :frown: :hand:

I wasn't having a go at the GENDER of the driver, just the STUPIDITY of the driver - which has nothing to do with sex. But enough about my private life... :sad:

[MINIme:)]

it's ok for me to say it.

:stop: But not Neil :frown: :ragin: SO OFFENDED! :nag:
Let's move on from death now!


ps the shortbread's had it. :angel: You can't say I didn't warn you.

[ELFMAN]

ps the shortbread's had it. :angel: You can't say I didn't warn you.

So's your Foam & Wash then. You can't say I'm not vindictive :sadangel:

[N16SHP]

it's ok for me to say it.

:stop: But not Neil :frown: :ragin: SO OFFENDED! :nag:
Let's move on from death now!


Hook line and sinker Joanna! I was only joking to see who'd bite first :moonie: :cool:. I have absolutely no problem with female drivers.

[d.oxley72]

Apparently the safest music to listen to is the sleep inducing tones of Norah Jones and Coldplay.
http://www.confused.com/car-insurance/ultimate-driving-songs-playlist

I suppose I better stop listening to Rammstein while I'm driving :frown:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUfKsfR7OmM

[GreigJCW]

Hook line and sinker Joanna! I was only joking to see who'd bite first :moonie: :cool:. I have absolutely no problem with female drivers.

Pmsl.

[stoney]

I have to say 7 times out of 10 is a woman that cut you up or is doing 45 on the M74 !! They are no worse than the men who do it as well just seems to be more woman drivers !!


Runs and hides :zimbo:

[GreigJCW]

I think in general woman drivers are slower and probably safer. My Kim is probably one of the best and safest drivers I know :)

[stoney]

I think in general woman drivers are slower and probably safer. My Kim is probably one of the best and safest drivers I know :)

im not tarring them all with the same brush my Christine can drive and is a safe driver it not all of them just seem its more women then men that are twats on the road !!

[GreigJCW]

its more women then men that are twats on the road !!

Beautifully put rob lol

[ELFMAN]

I didn't mean to start a 'Battle of the Sexes' here folks! I reckon 'dumb drivers' are about Even-Stevens (or Even Stephanies).
BTW Kylie's a great driver - she drives me mental! That's probably sexist too... :frown: Sorry girls.

[MINIme:)]

Jesus, give me strength!



And no hook, line or sinker Neil :p I'm not daft.

[N16SHP]

Jesus, give me strength!



And no hook, line or sinker Neil :p I'm not daft.

...so can we just hug this one out? :arms: :D I'm a quality baker if you want something to make it better? Kirsten says I'm a masterbaker...:thumbs up:

(Innuendo bingo time!!)

[MINIme:)]

;) yer aff the hook young man :smilewinkgrin:


:unsure: you didn't say cake but you implied cake and that's good enough for me :arms: virtual cake, if anything needed healing it would do it. :D

[ELFMAN]

Kirsten says I'm a masterbaker...:thumbs up:(Innuendo bingo time!!)

Remind us never to try your Cream Sponge... :laugh: :yuk: "HOUSE!" :smug:

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virtual cake, if anything needed healing it would do it. :D

Jo never made it through Medical School :frown: "Compound Fracture of the Femur? I recommend an imaginary Almond Slice" :smilewinkgrin:

[Mini Ecosse]

:lol::lol: