A Joke

[Scottie]

I hear that Ashley Cole has now admitted that was lying in court when he recently appeared on a speeding charge.

At the time he claimed he was trying to escape from paparazzi who were in pursuit.

He now says that he was just trying to get home before John Terry........

[Scottie]

Ok so that joke was not funny then

[Scottie]

what about this one.
>

The elderly couple were both 85 years old and had been married for 60 years.

Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

And though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside.

He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.

A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'


The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.

'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts and free flowing beverages.

'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. 'This is Heaven: it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.

'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or....'

'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said . . .
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.'You and your f...ing Bran Flakes . . .


























We could have been here ten years ago!'

[stoney]

like the 2nd one

[audrey]

Like the 2nd one too :thumbs up:

[AndyP & Lenore]

I chuckled at the second one.:thumbs up:

A.

[Sheilz]

That's better! Didn't get the first one at all.