Ferengo
14th May 2009, 11:24 AM
One day, Jack says to Mike 'My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'better see a doctor!'
'Listen mate. Don't waste your time down at the surgery,' Mike
replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid....a lot
quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points'.
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He
pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks'.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter, and 'pleasured himself' into the mixture for
good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen, he
poured in his concoction, and awaited the results with a grin.
The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco
'Listen mate. Don't waste your time down at the surgery,' Mike
replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid....a lot
quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points'.
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He
pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks'.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter, and 'pleasured himself' into the mixture for
good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen, he
poured in his concoction, and awaited the results with a grin.
The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco