Tuesday titter

[Big Gordy]

As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late.
I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch.
I played out my heart and soul.
As I played the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I'd never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is My Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest. I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "Sweet Jeezuz, Mary'n Joseph, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

[Gismo]

Oh dear :frown:

[Big Gordy]

Mmmmm your a hard man to please:frown:
How about this one then......

A young priest arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other priest in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the priest are copying from copies,not from the original manuscript. So,the new priest goes to the Bishop to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact,that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The Bishop says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries,but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old Bishop . . .
So,the young priest gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing,
'We missed the R ! We missed the R! We missed the R !'
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably The young priest asks the old Bishop,
'What's wrong,father?'
With A choking voice, the old Bishop replies,
'The word was...


'CELEBRATE '!!!!!

[Big Gordy]

...............or this one:thumbs up:

A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in TokyoJapan..

Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'

Sceptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the
salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,
'Manicures, $20.00'.
'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were
perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'

The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let
out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit........ which now had a button sewn neatly on the end..

[AndyP & Lenore]

A young priest arrives at the monastery. ...


'CELEBRATE '!!!!!


Good one.:clap::thumbs up:




A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in TokyoJapan.....

which now had a button sewn neatly on the end..


Crap.:moonie:

A.:D

[audrey]

:laugh::laugh::laugh: