mr.b
24th February 2004, 06:53 PM
Corporate Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of
arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up,
quickly, wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob
says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on." After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front
of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused,
but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks
from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she
replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining
to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2: A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of
the road; he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in
and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The
priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately
said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized
profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.." Moral of the story: Always be well
informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three
wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the
admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a
care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!"
says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my
life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The
manager says "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the
story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A
small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit
sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting
and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got
the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might g
finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of
arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up,
quickly, wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob
says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on." After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front
of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused,
but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks
from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she
replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining
to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2: A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of
the road; he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in
and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The
priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately
said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized
profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.." Moral of the story: Always be well
informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three
wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the
admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a
care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!"
says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my
life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The
manager says "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the
story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A
small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit
sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting
and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got
the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might g