The Why's Of Men

[sedgie]

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)



2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)



3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)



4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?




(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)


(You're laughing aren't you?!?!)



5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at ****tails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)



( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)



8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)



Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart !
One for the ladies
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."

[Scottie]

..........:D ..............

[rpn]

Over 30 views and only 1 reply and thats from a woman!

Here goes....


· Women understand colour. They seem to know what to wear all the time. Men just think red is nice, pink is nice, so why not have them together?
· Men have no opinions about curtains.
· Women can use sex to get what they want. Men cannot, as sex is what they want.
· On being told that someone has bought a new car women usually what colour it is - men ask what sort is it.
· Ask a woman in the street how to get somewhere and she will direct via shops. Ask a man and it will be via pubs.
· At weddings, women cry then get drunk. Men get drunk, then cry.
· Men speak in sentences. Women speak in paragraphs.
· For men, 2am is time for sleep. For women, 2am is time for a discussion about where our relationship is going.
· When faced with flat-pack furniture, men never read the manual. Yet they spend hours reading manuals for cars or bikes they will never own
· Men can store useless information. Like the top speed of a car they are never going to drive, let alone own.
· Only women can understand other women.
· Women have an ability to make men think they are in charge.
· When men want something they ask for it. When women want something they make a point distantly related to the subject and wait for a response.
· Women enjoy planning a wedding.
· Women eat curry if they like it. Men eat curry to prove they can.
· A man can choose and buy a pair of shoes in 90 seconds over the internet
· Women pee together. Men do not acknowledge, let alone speak, to each other when peeing
· Men can drive without having to look at themselves in the mirror.
· Men have a gene which enables them to answer any question, no matter how complex or important, with Mmm.
· Women do not get turned on at the thought of two men together.
· Men CAN get a bus through there!
· Men can write their names clearly in the snow.
· Men start a sentence and... ....women finish it for them
· Women parallel process, men parallel park.
· A woman would look at a sexy man and not be noticed. Men just stare.
· Men will hear you open a beer from three rooms away.
· Women order rice and eat men's chips.
· Women recall every outfit they have worn for the past two decades. Men cannot remember what they were wearing yesterday without looking on the floor next to the bed.
· Women have the ability to brain dump their entire day when they get home - men can only remember that it went OK
· Your last name stays put.
· The garage is all yours.
· Wedding plans take care of themselves.
· Chocolate is just another snack.
· You can be President.
· You can never be pregnant.
· You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
· You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
· Car mechanics tell you the truth.
· The world is your urinal.
· You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
· You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
· Same work, more pay.
· Wrinkles add character.
· Wedding dress - £3,000. Morning suit rental - £100.
· People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
· The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
· New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.
· One mood - all the time.
· Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
· You know stuff about tanks.
· A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
· You can open all your own jars.
· You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
· If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
· Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack.
· Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
· You never have strap problems in public.
· You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
· Everything on your face stays its original colour.
· The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
· You only have to shave your face and neck.
· You can play with toys all your life.
· Your belly usually hides your big hips.
· One wallet, one pair of shoes, one colour for all seasons.
· You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
· You can "do" your nails with a penknife.
· You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
· You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes. "No wonder," "men are happier..."

[V11kae]

I almost had to check own below there, half of those should be the other way around for me! lol