Monsta Mo Mini
20th March 2003, 11:10 PM
The Irish War with Saddam...
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy, down
at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed
important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is, myself, my
cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the
pub. That makes eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
one million men in my army waiting to move on my
command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my
army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get
back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the
war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified
Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 1,000
bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've
increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
decided there's no fookin way we can feed two million prisoners."
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy, down
at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed
important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is, myself, my
cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the
pub. That makes eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
one million men in my army waiting to move on my
command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my
army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get
back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the
war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified
Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 1,000
bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've
increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
decided there's no fookin way we can feed two million prisoners."